God TV reaches Afghanistan!

If like me you can't resist tuning in and getting annoyed at the car-crash TV known as the God Channel and TBN, you'll appreciate this tongue in cheek article below, from http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/

Greetings from your brothers and sisters in Christ here in Haizabad, Afghanistan, a small, impoverished village outside Kabul. Thank you for adopting us and lifting us up in your support with your prayers. We do not have complete freedom to worship since we are still captive to factions of Taliban, but that will change soon. This I have seen in the spirit world. Thank you for understanding that I can not use my real name in our correspondence, but ever since Trinity Broadcasting Network is now shown on TV here, I am known as "Jesse Duplantis," after the American televangelist.

Before TBN was available, I thought we had a firm foundation in the Holy Scripture, with a firm foundation of faith based on our Lord Jesus Christ. What fools we were being so blind! Watching TBN we are now learning much. We are awed at the revelations given to all the great teachers, especially those with daily prophetic visions. We are humbled that so many people in America have visions and revelations from God! No one in our village has had any revelations but I know that will change also once we actually have money to begin to tithe. I have no doubt now, knowing God's Spirit is still revealing today. Everyone on TBN says it is so.

We praise God for the Trinity Broadcasting Network ever since it made its appearance here. If I may explain. Our people once met for church every day in different houses to confuse the Taliban. Now we meet at my humble house, for it is the only house with both a roof and a television in the village. We spent an entire year's poppy harvest to buy the TV! The room is small, no more than ten people can sit around the television. But we are faithful! Always is at least five of us watching what God is revealing through TBN all the time or as long as the electric power stays on.

We are amazed at what we are learning from the great Bible teachers of TBN! Bro. Kenneth Copeland, what astonishing faith he teaches to be able to call things from the spirit realm to the physical. With our previous limited understanding of God's holy word, we would have never have believed such things. We still await many manifestations to make themselves occurring, as we do not let doubt enter. I originally in my ignorance found it hard to believe that we are little gods as Bro. Ken Copeland teaches, or can use the power of what we say to call into existence whatever we want. Before, we used to pray and make our requests known to God who already knew before our asking. Now, our declarations have been for what we want, not just for our needs. What a revelation! We are learning. Not only am I calling for a bigger church for hundreds of people, but am declaring my miracle for a car for me and my family, along with a $25 million mansion with indoor plumbing and food, just as he has. I'm believing for a thousand sheep and camels. I believe that my left deaf ear drum blown out from a rocket attack will be healed. Also, my son's feet will grow back. I do not doubt because Brother Benny Hinn, another of God's great administer of miracles, prayed for us as we reached towards the TV with our remaining hands and limbs.

Other brothers and sisters here are believing for their own miracles and have given all that they have—two chickens—to Bro. Hinn. So far we have received a prayer cloth which, alas, our grandfather in his hunger tried to eat. He said it tasted like chicken. But he was a big jokester in his youth. The church associate pastor has been fasting for ten days for his own private airplane and a healing for his eyes. One deaconess wants her hair pink like her hero, Jan Crouch, but short like Joyce Meyers—when the burns from the napalm heal. She believes, as Paula White, that God wants her to have everything—which raises some question by some of the men. It is hard in accepting, but they too are learning to believe, especially for miracles that their wives can look like Victoria Osteen. Many in our village have spoken the Word of Faith, so miracles will soon abound. We are in need of miracles, of course, because of our lack of faith. It is not God's fault that Osama bin Laden moves freely through our village, conscripting the few remaining men who have not already been maimed by landmines—it is our lack of faith! It is not Jan Crouch's fault we are dying of starvation—it is our lack of faith!

I now believe God wants me to start a television network, I know it's not in the physical world yet, but is coming. I do not doubt and Bro. Paul Crouch believes with me, he said so in his letter after I sent him our last five afghanis. It will be returned back 10, 20, maybe 100% because of my faithfulness to his ministry. I am hoping he will send a tasty prayer cloth as well because it is still many months to the next poppy harvest and we are hungry here in the real world, though filled to bursting in the spirit realm!

Christ's blessings to you all,
Pastor Jesse